Funny Poker Quotes

Welcome to the poker quotes page where we list famous and not so famous poker sayings and quotes. Most of them are labeled however some authors remain unknown. If you have a poker quote you would like to see on this page then email it to us by using our contact page.

You should also read our quotes from the movie Rounders.

1. “All you need is a chip and a chair.” – unknown (Chris Ferguson actually did this once though)

2. “If you’re too careful, you’re whole life can become a fuck’in grind.” (Matt Damon, Rounders)

3. “You gotta know when to hold’em, know when to foldem, know when to walk away, know when to run. You never count your money when you’re sittin at the table, there’ll be time enuff for countin when the dealin’s done.” (Kenny Rogers, Know When to foldem)

4. “You call…gonna be all over, baby.” – Scotty Nguyen, during the 1998 World Series of Poker while holding the nuts, playing heads-up.

5. “Holdem is to stud what chess is to checkers.” – Johnny Moss

6. “I never go looking for a sucker. I look for a Champion and make a sucker of of him.” – “Amarillo” Slim Preston

7. “Poker is alot like sex, everone thinks they are the best, but most don’t have a clue what they are doing!” Dutch Boyd

8. “There are few things that are so unpardonably neglected in our country as poker. The upper class knows very little about it. Now and then you find ambassadors who have sort of a general knowledge of the game, but the ignorance of the people is fearful. Why, I have known clergymen, good men, kind-hearted, liberal, sincere, and all that, who did not know the meaning of a “flush”. It is enough to make one ashamed of the species.” – Poker Quote by Mark Twain

9. “Is it a reasonable thing, I ask you, for a grown man to run about and hit a ball? Poker’s the only game fit for a grown man. Then, your hand is against every man’s, and every man’s is against yours. Teamwork? Who ever made a fortune by teamwork? There’s only one way to make a fortune, and that’s to down the fellow who’s up against you. – W. Somerset Maugham

10. “I must complain the cards are ill shuffled till I have a good hand. – Jonathan Swift

11. “There’s opportunity in poker…. If Horace Greeley were alive today, his advice wouldn’t be “Go West, young man, and grow up with the country.” Instead, he’d point to that deck of cards on table and say, “Shuffle up and deal.

12. “Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.” — Steven Wright

We hope you have enjoyed our poker quotes page. The best part about reading this page is that famous poker sayings and poker quotes can:

  1. Motivate you to play better and work harder and
  2. A funny poker quote can always provide good entertainment.

Feel free to tell these poker quotes to your friends or tell them to visit here to hear what some of the most famous people have had to say about poker.